I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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