The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
