The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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