I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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