how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
