my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
