i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
