We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
