I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
