I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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