Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
