oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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