More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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