I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
