So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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