My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
