oh god the rape fog is back!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
