and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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