The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
