I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
