Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
