Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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