I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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