her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
