She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
