We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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