my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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