Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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