Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
