I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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