Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
