You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
