Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
