dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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