quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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