Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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