If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
