We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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