I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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