we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
