i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
