its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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