It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
