i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
