I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
