I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
