I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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