I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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