I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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