never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
