Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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