Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
